Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Thoughtful Post

So May is finally here and I'm failing to understand what even happened to the Blogathon. Life has its devious little ways of creeping up on you and making you have no time to do absolutely anything. Weeks have flown by and my goodness, what a heck of a lots has happened in those few weeks.

My birthday. Yep, I finally turned 15 (about time) and in all honestly it added nothing to my life apart from a stash of beautiful presents from my friends and family. Having a birthday really makes me put my life into focus and make me realize how near I am to everything... GCSE's, A-Levels, Uni. It's all suddenly happening an I have no idea how to cope. My stress levels are sky high- I've always been a worrier but now I feel like there is no escape. This period in my life seems to have a constant rain cloud over it- frequently becoming worse and worse.

Mock exams. You may thing these are a load of bullshit, but believe me, it really makes you understand just how much you need to do. Now I'm not saying I've done absolutely terribly and in all fairness I haven't got anything below and A, but I feel like I'm failing. Letting myself down. Worrying myself. Everybody just expects so much from me and predicts me unbelievably high targets that I'm unsure I would physically be able to meet even when I am 30. I need a break from it all- but there is no opportunity  There is no easy way out. Go hard or end up working in McDonald's.

So now the time is 18.37 and I'm mid way through this blog post. I'm trying to distract myself by lighting my new candle and flicking through my Company magazine and getting my nose into Checkmate by Malorie Blackman which I highly advise you read because it is amazing. I'm trying to take my mind away from all of the hard things in life by taking pictures. Is it working? No. Will it ever? I doubt it.

To top everything off, today I've been really ill and had to come home from school. Not good. Being ill puts you in a very shitty mood so that is probably why this post is very unlike me. Actually, is it unlike me? Because I feeling like I am constantly putting up a happy facade when in reality I'm not happy at all. And no- I'm not depressed, I'm just going through a low point and I will probably be out of it soon.

These images sum it up perfectly:

Rachel Louise x

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